My story of my life…and a major hurdle…

Ok well last night before I go to bed I did my usual routine shower exfoliate then pop on some bio oil – all over my tummy and stretchmark areas….

Well When I first did this I couldnt look in the mirror it was sooo depressing I would end up in tears…

I eventually made myself look in the mirror and at the same time thought to myself you can do this.. and I know it sounds really horrible and weird but as I would massage in the oil all over my lovley chubbiness I would say in my head – You are going to go away – I’m going to break you down, and you are going to leave my body be – I dont need you anymore.

Being fat was always my comfort zone – I would make jokes about myself because if I did it then anyone else after couldnt hurt me..

I was the funny gal… the cheeky one… the girl who did daring things for fun so I could get along with people…

All through primary school and highschool I was bullied, to the point where I was suicidal, I was an A+ student in the UK and in the first year or two over here then my grades dropped dramatically…

I stayed out of school for a year (yr 8) and my mum fought with the dept of education to get me enrolled in home schooling..

Year 9 my grades went up I was at home I had a job my grades were great and I was loving it… so for the School Certificate I decided to go back into mainstream… BIG mistake… again the bullying.. because of my size.. because my mum was single and we couldnt afford the top brands – everything just went to shit again – I got expelled twice for fighting — standing up for myself..

I had the worse harrasement, Fishing line and hooks put in the handles of my bag, beetroot thrown at me during my lunch hr, my bag that sat outside science would disappear by the time I finished the class and end up hanging off some railing on a roof or in a bin, one time my pencil case went missing and we were all sitting in assembly and I could hear these bitches carry on about it and then they all started snapping my pencils and pens – I got locked in bathrooms, beaten up and chased after school on my way home…

I had tried everything – being nice, dobbing, standing up for myself – the whole shebang…eventually I would just run away from school – I told my mum I was never going back again so back to homeschooling.

I completed my School Cert then left with a fulltime job – I was manager at the age of 16, I just constantly worked my butt off..

Then I fell inlove with the country lifestyle – utes, dogs, cowboys you name it I went to rodeos, ute shows, bns – and I felt like I could be there comfortably because NO one judged you – there were bigger girls having fun – smiles on their faces..

I then entered my ute in a show – and met my hubby through this show. Smile I was at a complete loss to have met a guy that wanted to know all about me – the way I looked – EVERYTHING!! I still couldnt understand – I couldnt even leave the light on.. and was always covered up… I feel soo ashamed.. I used to always be in tears all the time.. i hated myself more than anyone could ever know.

6months later we moved together to Canberra, after another 6 months we moved to Darwin for 2.5yrs, then to ‘the Shire’ in Sydney

We then get married – then move to America for 18months, all this time I was just getting stressed out with moving being away from family and being lazy with my lifestyle and eating, I worked my bum off all the time and hubby was away for weeks at a time sometimes a month or two and I would just buy fast food – it was just me and it was easier…

6months before leaving America I flew back to Sydney to have my daughter – because of my damn obesity I had experienced a pretty bad pregnancies, and very high risk, 2 weeks before she was due I was up the hospital every day for 6 hrs a day – it was exhausting…luckily she came out healthy and happy and I said to hubby never again will i go through that unless I lose weight. I want to eventually have 6 kids…

when we arrived in Melb I was so stressed – we lost Number. 2 – I then went on the pill I wasnt ready for anymore trying..

My mum has always tried to support my weightloss, but she always told me – It will never happen till you LOVE YOURSELF….

HA!!!! you got to be joking (looking in the mirror) LOVE THIS??? yuck I didnt even know why my husband married or loved me – I couldnt even stand looking at me…

But last night – rubbing this oil in the mirror I started to really believe what I have been telling myself – to me my body is full of goodness now – all thats coming out of my skin is a healthy glow, my strechmarks 98% gone.. i’m amazed I’m in awe and I’m totally falling inlove with myself – I have so long to go but I dont care – I appreciate what my body is doing for me – I can feel what I eat is paying off – I havent had any cheat meals at all ( apart from my mums birthday part but that was almost a month ago and i still regret it)

my skin feels soft and supple – no longer am I going I CAN do this…. I AM DOING THIS… I AM!!!

This morning I lost a total of 12 KGS – 12 in 1month and 9 days – today I went shopping and I picked up a 12kg bag of dog food – do you know how unbelievably heavy this is?? I cant believe it!! soon I will be saying 15 KGS GONE – then 20 – my friggen god I AM DOING THIS FOR REAL!!

I love this forum soo much – I love you girls xx you are my extended family now

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